The Self-Education of a Free-Spirited, Not-Quite-Novice Filmmaker : PART ONE

How'd you like all those hyphens, eh? Let's call it a creative choice.

As a only child, I've been an observer of human behavior and interaction all my life. Such a self-imposed role has a way of leading one to believe themselves more knowledgeable than those who live through the scenarios being observed. Debatable, sure, but I believe my continued education cannot contain simply absorbed information; I must also digest the concepts and put it back out into the world. Any of my professors would tell you that I was always very engaged in class discussions, with no shortage of opinions and unsolicited advice. With no classroom currently available to me, however, I've decided to record my thoughts in this blog based on certain recommended TED Talks.

An article in the Business Insider claimed these 10 TED Talks are worth more than an MBA. Seeing as I love listening to TED Talks and desperately want to pursue my graduate degree, I figured what do I have to loose? Also, while the content I'm reflecting on is geared towards those seeking a Masters in Business Administration and I am simply a Filmmaker seeking a Masters... of something... eventually... I fully intend to own and run my own studio during my lifetime, so I figure the free online education should supplement my aspirations nicely.

To keep a homework-like structure, I'll respond to each video as I see them. Please assume that I will be writing as if you, the reader, have already watched the video.


1) Carol Dweck: The Power of Believing That You Can Improve

As I read over this info-graphic, I begin to realize in what ways I have a fixed mindset. Time to embrace change! Graphic by Nigel Holmes, picture courtesy of innovationnu.wordpress.com

I know this lesson all too well, though thinking back to my childhood and adolescence, even now, I find it difficult to employ. My mother is a driven and academically-inclined woman who was unfortunately plagued with unsatisfactory, often heartbreaking, romantic relationships. After her fiancé died, we moved to the suburbs and I began middle school. I had struggled in my "Gifted and Talented" classes in elementary school, mostly because I was also dealing with my parents' divorce and my mother's soon-to-be husband. But after we moved, I decided I could not allow my school performance to be another burden on my mother. So, I made the effort. I became an honor roll student, even with the challenge of having all of my classes being "GT". Never straight A's, but always honors or advanced classes, and for the first time, I could say, "I'm doing well in school." But my mother never seemed satisfied with my progress, and so I gave up. My freshman year of high school, I tried to take all honors courses, but when I got a C in history, and a D in Biology, I decided it was too hard. I've always thrived on challenges, but this was the first time I did not rise to it. I took a normal Chemistry class my sophomore year, and found myself so bored that I both tutored the juniors in the class and got a C+ because I had no need to do the homework to pass the tests. I graduated with a 2.7 GPA and a ton of extracurricular activities because, quite frankly, I needed the encouragement they provided. I could see the results of my efforts in band and theater, and was more eager to improve when others relied on me.

Now, I'm 34 years old in a fantastic marriage where my partner supports me and encourages me and believes that I can make the giant leap from my old occupation as a Massage Therapist to my lingering and recently rediscovered passion for storytelling as a Filmmaker. He is my life line in ways that I'm not sure are healthy, but that's my problem to solve, not his. And he keeps me going, and it is imperative that I keep going. I'm just not sure I fully believe I can change. It's easy to believe that money is more important than emotional/spiritual fulfillment. It's hard to believe that what you do is of value when no one values it (it doesn't pay well or you receive no acknowledgement for your contribution) and no sees you as being knowledgeable ('cause anyone can do it, right?) and all employers judge you on your past work (in a visual medium, you need something that looks good, even if you aren't responsible for what looks bad). So, while I adore the idea that we are teaching kids to improve - and there is another fantastic TED Talk about being a champion for struggling students - and I would love to be that person for my children, sadly, my current situation, mental state, physical state, gives me too much to fight against to believe anything will change. Can it change? Sure, and I sincerely hope it will. But I think I will always feel "behind" a lot of my intelligent friends (or currently thriving friends) because of my childhood burdens and my unfortunate awareness of them (you can overcome a lot if you don't have to face the reality at the time). I've even downloaded several selections from classic literature that I have never read because I could listen in class and glean all I needed to pass. And grades, the judgement of others, was all that ever seemed to matter to the people that were important to me. Now, I hope that I can find fulfillment in my efforts, even if I'm not the best. But the truth is, while I've learned to be my own best friend, I am naturally my own worst critic, and that voice is much louder. And I still want to be the best, which is frustrating, because that will never happen, even if I'm successful. So... here's to being better!


2) Sam Richards: A Radical Experiment in Empathy

For those of you who know and love Star Trek, you'll appreciate how often this situation comes up. Picture courtesy of www.cultureofempathy.com

I had to take a Facebook break after this one. The issue that Mr. Richards asks you to empathize with is easy for me (my mother knew I was an empath at the tender age of 3 when she saw me cry at a funeral on television without knowing what it was; I could just see that they were sad, and it made me sad for them), but the subject matter always gets me riled up. Especially since this past summer I took a World Geography class, which helped to further inform me of "The Perils of Petrocracy" - a clever play on words, but not by me. Read the article, please. It's inspiring and heartbreaking and will make you rethink that gas-guzzling truck-with-hips.

Anyway, I understand what he's trying to say. He's saying that if we can empathize with what we could say is commonly accepted as "the enemy", then finding empathy in smaller annoyances or wrong-doing should be within our grasp. And yet, so often people do not - or at least their actions do not express their empathy. Admittedly, I'm more interested in Psychology than Sociology, but still, I see the validity of his lesson. As it relates to how this lesson would apply to an MBA, I'm quite sure you have to relate to your market or employees if ever you are to do business with them. Who among us would buy from a grocer who did not have sympathy for those who go hungry?

Unfortunately, I believe that the capability of empathy is declining in the United States due to the questionable nature of information and its sources. If there was a single person who could not sympathize with the Iraqi's position, it probably stemmed from the idea that something Mr. Richards said was false or inaccurate. Such an accusation would be enough to justify not feeling empathy because the situation to feel empathy for is fictional. This delusional cycle, and I call it delusional because it is a belief that relies on suspicion and not fact, is ammunition against the efforts of peace and conflict resolution, whether locally, nationally, or globally. Place blame where you may - on the media, on our community leaders, on our collective declining education, or our growing paranoia of anything "new" - but the truth is, ultimately confirming information, digesting it, and expressing empathy for others rests squarely on the shoulders of each individual. Taking personal responsibility for one's beliefs, reactions, and actions is at the core of being a human, conscious adult, and evidence of anything less than that shows us to be incompetent, and worse, barbaric.

Interestingly enough, this is why I had to stop being a Massage Therapist. Giving of my self, my compassion to those who did not extend that same compassion to themselves chipped away at my ability to care for people. It's hard to advocate for people's well-being when they couldn't care less about their well-being, vying instead for a quick fix that wasn't in pill form but still acted like a pill. But that's another story for another day.


3) Angela Lee Duckworth: The Key to Success? Grit.

A fantastic meme that captures the essence of Duckworth's TED Talk. Photo courtesy of the facebook account of the late Terry Pratchett.

 Well, that was delightful. A short but effective story that echoes the findings of Carol Dweck, who is pioneering the "Growth Mindset" for education. I'll admit, part of what I enjoyed was that it was short, focused, and very well thought-out. I even watched it twice, I enjoyed it so much. But, to the subject matter...

I sooooo identify with this. Unfortunately, I was the person with talent who tended to give up once they were given praise for how quickly they learn. It's only been as an adult who changed ALL of her childhood plans that I found myself setting goals for myself and challenged myself to meet them. In high school, I thought I was destined to be a law enforcement officer, but after starting a co-op, it no longer appealed to me (I no longer felt the need to be accepted into the "boys club" which is most police forces). My first year of college was a joke and found little value in the lessons I was paying for, so I worked entry-level positions for a year before realizing that I would surely drown without a skill that demanded a better wage. The plan to become a massage therapist was actually always a long-term goal that included: becoming financially independent, staying physically active, and making enough money where I could pay my way through college when the time was right. And I did. After the struggle of becoming financially independent, making decent money, I took two community college courses to see if I would be able to pass classes again after an eight-year hiatus. Do you know what I found? A complete 180. I was passionate, I was engaged, and I didn't just do my homework; I did the equivalent of TED Talks with every assignment. Why? Because I was finally ready to continue growing; I was ready for change. Now, so many things have changed (I'm 8 credits away from receiving my B.F.A. in Film & Video Production). Not all of them will be staying the same, so I long for a moment to "get settled" before moving on.

As for how it relates to an MBA, I imagine being able to identify the capacity for "grit" in yourself and others is essential for hiring and maintaining a productive work environment. It's the work ethic that older generations continually say they do not see in younger generations and the quality in young adults that is present but hard to find when so many have been coddled or scolded instead of encouraged. As a weird afterthought, it occurs to me that these lessons could also apply to being a parent, and I fully intend to encourage a "growth" mindset for my children. May they suffer only enough to grow and learn and become active, engaged, and successful human beings.

Well, this is the end of PART ONE. With 10 TED Talks to watch, I'd like to pace myself, and you, dear readers, with all of this lovely reflection. But let me finish with these questions for you:
1) What was your reaction to these videos?
2) Could you identify with the concepts? Why or why not?
3) How is this relevant to Business Administration or Entrepreneurship?
Leave your comments below! As Liz Gilbert would say, "Let's keep the conversation going!"

Cheers,
*~K~*

Time-of-the-Month Musings

Have you ever tried explaining the feeling of cramping to a man? I continually use the image of testicles being squeezed in too-tight pants. Not pinching, mind you, just squeezing. The kind of tension that prevents you from standing straight, or leaning forward, or wanting to move in any direction, really. And while I shift in my mesh office chair to find a position to relieve some part of the pressure on my aching ovary, I am actively envisioning this death-grip on a metaphorical testicle (I've only got the one), so that I may mentally loosen said grip.

It's not working.

I could take pain medication, but that'd just flood my pad, and I don't have any back-up clothing should that go awry. Let it be known, however, that I do have etherial female vocalists from one of the Lord of the Rings' soundtracks to help convince me of my impending serenity, that blessed world without menstrual cramps.

Maybe chocolate would help. But I'm not usually hungry when I bleed (but afterwards, I'm dying for a steak). Maybe something I can nurse? I find a Bolthouse Farms Chocolate Protein Plus drink, a healthier alternative to the child-like chocolate milk. Perhaps a Chocolate Brownie Clif Bar to nibble on, should my hunger resurface.

NOM.

Nom nom nom.

Still crampy. I used to have a high pain threshold. What happened? Somewhere between 30 and 34, my body just decided it can't handle it any more. I shudder to think how that will reverberate into pregnancy and labor.

While putting together a presentation, which referred to the "pain scale", I found this little gem. It puts into stark focus the relative pain of child labor. Fun.

Time to deescalate. My current discomfort level is no more than a 10 on the above scale. But I still want to feel better, damnit.

Great, now my shoulders are sore, too. I'm thinking a summertime massage is in order. Though, summer technically doesn't start for another three days. Hmm.

I'm sensing beef will be necessary sooner than later. I text my husband, "So... I may have to renege on my proffer of Chipotle. My body may demand meat in mass by the end of today. Would Five Guys be out of the question?" Yes, I am often that pompous over text. He knows my need for beef, and will rarely refuse the craving, but he's quick to stifle any excessive desserts. 

And then I realize - I really do look pregnant. Look how bloated my midsection is! You don't really notice bloating when you're overweight until you are entirely inflated below the rib cage. Blech.

A bio-break, water, and a bit of walking helped, but now I'm thinking I'll have lunch so I can take medication without the other end of my innards grumbling at me. Healthy comfort food for lunch, along with an Injustice respite. My prego-like belly, coupled with my 10, has resulted in me moving about as if carrying progeny. But it's raining now, and that's comforting. The calming sounds of a downpour and accompanying thunderstorm sooth my agitated state.

Walking, I take the long way around, careful not to get wet, though the intermittent spray is refreshing. Warm rain, one of the few benefits of living in Texas.

Now I'm all alone in my office, and not a moment too soon; my lunch has made me gassy. Double cramps!

12.

The Beginning of the End: U.S. History Censorship in Public Schools

School censorship of history, and regular neglect of recent history all together, may well be the greatest injustice to would-be American adults. The recent fuss in Jefferson County, Colorado is evidence enough that partisan officials are subverting education starting by excluding teachers unions from the decisions regarding their school district, and ending with omitting important aspects of U.S. History. They claim the analysis of curriculum is to "review curricular choices for conformity to Jeffco academic standards, accuracy and omissions", and present information accurately and objectively. How can you expect conformity AND academic standards through censorship? Your act of censorship immediately lowers your academic standards. How can information, riddled with omissions, be accurate or objective?

The act of censoring, by definition, makes the remaining information quite distinctly subjective.

It's no wonder that young adults have increasingly limited coping skills. How is anyone expected to cope with the horrors of our collective past as they echo in our ever changing future if they are not given the chance to digest the information over time? The intention of protecting our children rarely works, and is often sought after moreso than preparing our children. For the record, there is no "protecting our children". It's a myth; an illusion, as sure as perfection, that will never be achieved. What's worse is that in the pursuit of this illusion, we, perhaps unintentionally, hand over those children to anxious and unnecessarily complex lives.

The great irony is we make vulnerable that which we attempt to protect.

I'm quite sure, however, the current outlawing of historical events in public schools in Colorado in order to "not encourage or condone civil disorder, social strife or disregard of the law" has little to do with protecting children. This reeks of adults attempting to control youth through censorship; exactly the kind of behavior that incites social strife and civil disorder. Removing important aspects of history, even current events, has a way of finding its way into the hands and minds of people, and removing it from the forefront only begs the question: what are you hiding?

Remember this? And how outraged the public was to be shielded from an issue like a child in need of coddling? Yeah.

It wasn't a stand alone incident.

And you wonder why people go into a panic when something happens in the world!

Because censorship does nothing but make people angry when they finally find out the truth.

And apparently Americans are so self-centered that they'd rather hear about themselves ad nauseum. 

And can only handle rehashed, unsubstantial self-analysis, but can't deal with current events or adult situations. No, not American adults. Maybe it's because of their limited education *ahem*!

Now, don't let yourself be fooled. This isn't protecting six-year-olds, who are pretty well sheltered from the truth of life as it is. No, this censorship would go all the way to the end of public school's reach, affecting A.P. History, whose credit would be honored at higher education institutions. Higher education cannot function under the presumption of being "more than" general education when its sources are restricting knowledge on a foundational level. "Higher education" cannot be the establishment for which our nation's youth finally learns an unbiased version of U.S. History. Does this mean that the general populace is doomed to live in a shroud of deception? As it is, these youth could hardly be considered children any more. 

If high school students can be convicted of manslaughter by being given the responsibility of driving, then they can handle the gravity of their ancestors' legacy. 

Preparing for their personal authority as legal drivers and legal adults similarly requires thorough examination of the law as it applies to them. Denying young adults the information from our past also denies them the understanding of their legal rights: their right to peaceably gather, their right to protest, and, should it come to that, the right to abolish the government. 

Please, please, PLEASE take a moment to sign the petition to help prevent setting a precedent of censorship in our schools.

Citizens United Ruling Persists, While the Power of the Individual Diminishes

Today I write to attempt to dissipate my shroud of anguish. I am distraught by our Senate, and truly saddened by its unwillingness to overturn Citizens United. But it's not just the end result that agitates me so. It was denied swiftly, and with little compromise, which is especially disturbing right before a major election. It was denied uniformly by Republicans, which indicates to me that we are no longer communicating on a feedback loop (more information on feedback loops soon), required to continue upward progress. And the saddest of all? The ruling stands on a technicality.

Our government is not listening to its people any more.

If you took a vote nation-wide, and perhaps we should this November, I believe we'd see the majority of individuals do want the ruling of Citizens United overturned (80% consensus, which is huge). But our representatives think they know better. Of course they do, because they aren't listening to the people that voted them into office. If they were, there would be a more efficient system for individuals to convey their opinions other than calling and writing. By the by, if you know of a more efficient system, by all means, leave a link in the comments so we can spread the word. Our government officials are listening to the companies and excessively wealthy individuals that helped pay for their campaigns (which is mostly marketing), who convinced all those voters to sway in their direction. Obviously, in this model, voters no longer matter; only the people who manipulate the voters count.

Voters no longer matter; only the people who manipulate the voters count.

The only thing worse than knowing the government is not willing to regulate campaign funds from corporations is that, in doing so, they are actively abridging our individual "freedom of speech".  You'll note that the first amendment "prohibits the making of any law... abridging the freedom of speech."


abridge (v.) - to reduce or lesson in duration, scope, authority, etc.; diminish, curtail; to deprive, cut off.

Special interest groups, corporations, even non-profits who are willing to funnel money into a campaign are effectively drowning out the authority of individuals' voices. This is the argument we should be making to the Supreme Court - that we must protect the diminished free speech of individuals by nullifying the over-funded agendas of the wealthy.

Ultimately, I believe this all boils down to simple addition. If the first amendment protects what we say, then in the voting process we still operate on the assumption that one person equals one vote. By allowing a corporation, definitively a collection of people, to also have a voice, and one that can out-spend an individual 100 to 1 (or more), then the individuals making up that collection have just extended their voting power. That is to say, unregulated spending in political campaigns effectively buys more votes. It is a bidding war, not a test of moral fortitude. Arguments have been made accusing those who would overturn Citizens United would effectively amend the Bill of Rights, but it simply continues to redefine it to identify how it works in today's system. The Bill of Rights was not written to protect corporations; it was written to protect individuals.

Unregulated spending in political campaigns effectively buys more votes.

The first amendment protects what you can say, not HOW you say it. Cursing at the top of your lungs is still allowed, but if you do it at 2am and wake up your neighbors, there will be grounds for arresting you for disturbing the peace. If you want to make films that directly defame political candidates who oppose your political agenda, be my guest. But be prepared for legal backlash when you take outside money to promote or distribute it (they already got backlash when they tried to distribute the film just before a major political election). Even conservative political commentator George F. Will admitted "the vast majority of contributions and expenditures are made to disseminate speech".

dis sem i nate (v.) - to scatter or spread widely, as though sowing seed; promulgate extensively; broadcast; disperse

By this definition, monetary contributions are not speech directly, but help to amplify speech; it gives what is being said greater power and influence. Thus, overturning Citizens United would limit the power and influence corporations have over the voting public.

Monetary contributions are not speech directly, but help to AMPLIFY SPEECH; it gives WHAT is being said greater POWER and INFLUENCE.

Even reading through wikipedia to gleen more information on the first amendment, "campaign financing" stands out like a sore thumb. But perhaps it is because modern mobsters are alive and kicking within our government. Somewhere in the last few decades, mob bosses, who use money (and thus power over people) to intimidate, bully, and manipulate people into compliance, have found a new home on the other side of the legal system. They aren't hiding from the law any more, they are manipulating the lawmakers, and thus rigging the law, to their advantage. Even Al Franken compared the current ruling of Citizens United with money laundering. What the hell happened to accountability?

This is because we've forgotten what money is. Money is not speech. Speech, non-verbal, verbal, or expressionism, is speech. The old adage "put your money where your mouth is" very casually denotes the difference, in fact. Your mouth does the speaking; your money invests in its completion. This means that putting money anywhere is the next step AFTER speech, not the speech itself. A man walks up to you and says, "I like your hat", and there is no pretense or intention; but a man who walks up to you and says, "I like your hat" with a few bills in his hand now has the power to take it from you. He doesn't even need to offer the money to you, really. Just showing the money suggests the bargaining POWER of money. And that's what it boils down to, ladies and gents. The Supreme Court ruled that it has no authority to regulate POWER over the American public. The political mobster has tucked away his loaded pistol, which years ago would have been not-so-subtly used to get his way, in favor of the understated implication of quid pro quo.

I'm trying not to see this as the beginning of the end, but it's difficult. Oh, corporate America, how do thy own me? I shudder to count the ways.

9-year-old Girl Accidentally Kills Shooting Range Instructor and NO ONE is Asking Some Essential Questions

As someone who believes in the value of having gun safety as a lifelong skill AND stricter gun safety laws, I felt the need to weigh in on this recent incident.

I first shot a gun when I was 10 years old. My father felt it was important, so he went with me as my guardian. It was a rifle, with a sight scope on it (I couldn't tell you what gauge). The way you shoot is by propping it up on the wooden gate in front of you, based on height. Because I was leaning forward, into the gun and onto the gate, there was no way I would loose control of the gun. Also, it was NOT an automatic (such as the one in the aforementioned incident).

I have since trained with police officers, active military, DEA instructors, and NRA members (I wanted to be in law enforcement in high school). Every time I've fired a weapon, there has never been a question as to whether or not I'd loose control of the weapon because every decision was based on "safety first".

Here are the questions I would pose before further judgement could be assessed:

1) Was there any instruction with the weapon BEFORE it was loaded? It seems to me that kind of reaction happens when the person holding the weapon hasn't become familiar with the weapon before loading it with ammunition and firing.

2) Is there a policy of where the instructor should stand while a CHILD is shooting (as opposed to normal adult clients)? Standing next to the child seems idiotic at best. Even when you are shooting at an indoor range, it's policy to stand BEHIND the person with a loaded gun.

3) Is there a policy for helping a child hold the gun? It should have been expected that a child couldn't handle an automatic uzi, and thus, at the very least, the first shots should have been secured with the instructors hands on the gun as well. Once they get used to the recoil, there may be a chance the child could handle it on their own.

4) Is there a policy that requires the child to learn on a rifle first (as the 5 year old is allowed to, according to the above article)? If a 9-year-old can't handle a .22 rifle, then they shouldn't be allowed to hold an automatic uzi.

As it stands, I'm not sure I'd want anyone under the age of 16 trying out an automatic uzi, much less someone not in double digits. Furthermore, that seems like an advanced weapon, which would require more than a parents signature on a waiver and parental supervision. Parents don't have superhuman powers. Unless they are taking the place of the professional (hands on the gun and everything), "parental supervision" means bubkus when that gun goes off.

I'm thinking this was a combination of professional incompetence, legal neglect, and parental disregard for their child's abilities. Children trust the adults around them to know better, and in this case, it seems like none of them did. 

Also, any injury on a range is ultimately the instructor's responsibility. I'm more than a little upset that they have not mentioned ONCE how the child is doing after KILLING a man. Unless they are somehow implying that the child did it purposefully, they need to stop pitying the instructor and worry for the sanity of that child. Shooting a gun is traumatic enough. Seeing the aftermath of shooting one at a human is beyond most people's ability to cope.

I would love more information about this company's policies and the laws of Nevada regarding this situation. If you have any links, please leave them in the comments below for all to peruse!

A Fan's Tribute to Robin Williams: Find Your Light and Share It

I'm writing this evening in loving memory of Robin Williams. Of course, it's not as if I knew him personally. I never shook his hand. He never sat next to me at a diner booth and discussed world politics. No hugs or gestures of appreciation were ever exchanged.

Yet he touched me. His presence in this world has touched me so entirely that I can't stop weeping every time I see another tribute video. His daughter's letter, fellow actors and comedians posting their condolences, even a poignant quote from one of his many inspirational films just brings those big, puffy-eyed tears crashing down.

Well, here's my tribute. You suck, Robin. All your life, you've given to others. Your heart and soul laid bare in your work, your words, and your hidden moments of charitable kindness. But as your twilight years crept up on you, knowing soon it would mean that others would have to give back to you, you wouldn't allow it. Couldn't you give the world a chance to redeem itself? But for all your well-meaning, sir, I understand. I just wish I could have given even an ounce of that back to you.

I understand your dedication for helping others, even if all you can do is cheer them up. I understand your compassion for the underdog, and your passion for wisdom. Ultimately, it's possible I even understand your depression. I think it comes down to a very simple intention: pay it forward.

There are many demons of varying degrees in my family's past. Among them is alcoholism, thyroid disease, bipolar disorder, and depression. Yet, so many who have met a Walker Woman would say she "lights up a room whenever she walks in". This light is beyond enthusiasm or optimism; it's unabashed happiness, and it penetrates all armor. It's an inner glow unlike any other, and I instantly saw it in Mr. Williams. When I first saw him as part of his stand-up routine A Night at the Met, I knew then how he must suffer. We all see how he shines; how can you not? If ever there was an appropriate application of the term "whizz-popper", it would be proudly bestowed upon the crown of the late Robin Williams. But the nature of life is 'balance in all things'. Someone who knows and shares such abundant light must also know equal depths of darkness. Only the closest to him would see his darkness, of course, as the Walker Women know all too well. But we know no other way to suffer. We cannot suffer in silence. We must shine, and the consequence is unthinkable darkness.

Each of us suffers in this life, and Robin sought to ease that suffering in others. In the end, I think he didn't want help because he wanted our efforts to be redirected. Just as he shared his light with the world, so should we. Everyone has that light inside of them, by the way. It's the light that shines when your defenses are down, and you approach the world without fear of judgment or ridicule. You walk through the world with a sincere belief that you can make the world a little brighter; and it's contagious.

So, when you're done mourning, as I'm seven ten tissues on my way to doing, find your light. Breathe in that light, walk boldly up to a gloomy face, and make their day. Talk to a family member just to let them know you miss them. Even if you don't miss them now, you will miss the opportunity to tell them when they are gone. Visit a nursing home just to listen to stories long forgotten. Touch their hands and remember what it's like to risk embarrassment for the sake of someone's delight. Volunteer at a hospital, or, if you're really keen on feeling the love of Robin's legacy, volunteer at a homeless shelter. I'd suggest more drastic measures, but this isn't meant to be a social or political call-to-arms.

Or is it...

Yes, a social call-to-arms. For us to connect with compassion and laughter again. For us to include the aging in our young, turbulent lives. Most importantly, for us to live with integrity and compassion. Don't be afraid of caring too much! Don't be afraid of your light going to dark! Be afraid that your muted glow will never touch another.

And don't be afraid of crying. I'm sure Robin wasn't. I'm quite sure he knew all about crying. It's why he preferred to laugh. After all, doesn't laughter make crying worth it?


As a personal note to the late Mr. Williams - you don't really suck. I'm sorry I said that. And I'm sorry I never got to see What Dreams May Come (though, I laughed so hard in the theater when I saw Death to Smoochy that I swear my mother moved seats so no one would know we were related). I knew I was going to cry like a baby, so I've just been avoiding it for years. I think it's time to see it now.

Oh, Texas...

This has been a regular phrase of late. Ever since the big move from Denver, Colorado down to Dayton, Texas, I've been noticing more and more differences. Some so outlandish that it has elicited the aforementioned, "Oh, Texas" response. What else are you going to say when you drive 16 hours southeast, knowing you are still in the same country, and yet... very much not in the same country?

I can recall the first time it came rolling out of my mouth, "Oh, Texas". We were avoiding driving through Dallas by heading east towards Paris. Along the way, most small towns all seem to have working automotive repair shops, but also quite a few gas stations gone out of business. How backwards is that? They need upgrades for the vehicles, but not fuel?
I definitely "Oh, Texas"ed when I found out that gas stations in Texas give a discount on fuel if paid in cash. Why is that a benefit? So you have a better chance of making money off of food and drink sales?

There were also more churches through these small towns than there were eating establishments. Perhaps they need to feed their souls more so than their bellies? Now that can't be true. Texans seem to ADORE going out to eat. On that note, apparently barbecue baked potatoes are a thing here. In true "everything is bigger in Texas" form, these BBQ Baked Potatoes are HUGE!

This is approximately the size of the BBQ Baked Potato I was introduced to - HUGE! 

Two full scoops of meat over a meal-sized russet, plus any other toppings that suit your greasy fancy. If meat and potatoes are your thing, you can now have it smothered with barbecue sauce and cheese. Denver is all about their steak, for sure, but only in Texas would they look for more ingredients to induce a heart attack.

Now that we've settled into our temporary abode here, about an hour east of Houston, I believe I can safely summarize five common necessities of Texans.

5 Common Necessities of Texans
1) Trucks - Oy, do they love their pick-up trucks! And while Colorado is very well-known for having a large majority of SUVs and utility vehicles (Boulder in particular is known for its overwhelming number of Subaru Outbacks), Texas definitely leans towards the American-made, gas-guzzling pick-up. Now, it should be noted that most are not hauling anything, which either means it's a fad or people like having them in that once or twice a year instance where they would need a truck to haul something.
2) Beer - So much so that some parts of our family are wondering if we're related because I told them I don't like beer (mostly because I'm allergic to wheat). However, I did have to marvel at another "Oh, Texas" find: Wash-a-Beeria.

Please know the woman in the picture is not me, but she's translated my reaction pretty well.

That's right. A washateria, or laundromat, that offers food and, more importantly, beer. This seems like a neat way to make doing your laundry a little more eventful, but really? Someone's liable to shrink their sunday dress beyond decency with that kind of combination! Oh, Texas...
3) Guns - This one doesn't really bother me, as I was raised in Virginia, and have only ever lived in Colorado or Texas otherwise; all gun-friendly states. The only skills I was taught as a kid still ring true as Texan: riding horses and shooting rifles. But when every major establishment you walk into, including grocery stores, has a sign posted about the legality of bringing a loaded gun on to the premises, you know there is a standard here that is like none other. I won't lie, it's a little nerve-wracking.
4) Buffets - I'm not just talkin' about Golden Corral or Chinese buffets. They've gotten into a groove where everyone offers a buffet, especially for lunch. My husband and I visited the west side of Houston for a date day. We found an Indian restaurant that had good ratings, and wouldn't you know it, a lunch buffet. Don't get me wrong, it was good food, and a reasonable price. But... well... Oh, Texas...
5) Donuts - If there is anything Texans love most, it has got to be donuts. There are donut shops everywhere! Small town, down town, it doesn't matter. Mom 'n Pop, Shipley's, though no Krispy Kremes (well, not in the Houston area, anyway). This would be awesome, and fantastically indulgent, if not for my wheat allergy. But alas my desire to remain pain-free overrides my love of glazed donuts (which may well be one of my favorite things).

Maybe I can convince the donut-loving Texans to start making gluten-free options for us transplants? I think I could live in Texas if there were gluten-free glazed donuts available.

The only gluten-free glazed donuts I've ever been able to find, and they are sold frozen. Texas - your challenge has ben issued! Fresh, gluten-free donuts, available at your donut shops - GO!

But for now, I will just embrace the stares at Golden Corral when all I eat is the steak and salad.