Pursuing the Path to Vitality: Fulfilling the Vision of 2015

As you may or may not know, my husband and I have relocated from the Houston, Texas area to Gaithersburg, Maryland, a once small town outside of our nation's capitol, now grown due to its proximity and public transportation accessibility. Little did we know when we dreamt of this move a year ago that we'd be able to fulfill it so clearly. To everyone else, our move may look rash or bold, but it is, in fact, the culmination of our vision for the future with diligence, hard work, and support from our family.

By no one's fault, my husband had determined we could not stay in Texas. He was born and raised there and had had his fill. Even if there was something satisfactory about his work or his home, he had made it clear that he would still be bitter about being "stuck". Of course, we tried. We even took a long weekend to Austin, the one place in all of Texas we could see moving, hoping it would be the compromise we could live with. Alas, as we drove away, my poor husband announced, "Nope. It's still Texas, and I hate Texas."

I'm sure you've asked yourself by this point, But what about where YOU want to live? Truth be told, I didn't have an opinion. Gushing as it may seem, I am perfectly happy to live wherever so long as I get to sleep in the same bed as my husband. Oh, sure, I have opinions, and they were quickly expressed any time a suggestion surfaced that required careful analysis. Australia? Really... have you looked into their immigration policies? Yes, that's right, dear. They don't want us because we want to have kids soon, and if we have a child there, then they'll be forced to either keep us against their will or deport us with a newborn, which no one looks favorably upon. Sound familiar? Yeah... So, we whittled it down to within the continental United States.

But an amazing thing occurred after that. My love had an epiphany. It was more than just "we're not staying here", but it extended into a vision of "we'll be moving before the end of this year". It was a beautiful moment that I cannot fully capture in words, but it ended with a dream we both clung to: we would be in a new place by Thanksgiving, enjoying our annual Lord of the Rings marathon in the comfort of our own home. Truth be told, I don't think we fully believed we could do it, but we had to move forward as if we could. As if there was no turning back.

We worked, and we saved. We researched, and we fantasized. And then we reached a tipping point. I'm sure you've felt it at some point in your life. It's that moment when you are primed and ready to make a major decision, and find yourself more afraid than ever to make it. We found ourselves asking, would it be easier to just find an apartment here? Should we just have children now and move later? Well, it was more my husband. I'm quite accustomed to listening to that quiet voice that beckons for something more. Sure, it would be easier. It would not, however, be what you want. It would be what other people want for you, and they only want it for you because they are afraid for you. And that's no way to live.

Perhaps by happenstance or by fate, we'll never know, I learned about Liz Gilbert's newest book Big Magic, just about the time of this "tipping point". She hosted a short podcast, Magic Lessons, that explored the topics in her book to sometimes hilarious, but always insightful, ends. With our 90-minute daily commute (yes, that's three hours a day stuck in a car; even if it's with the love of your life, it gets old quickly), we started listening to podcasts, and this one crept into our lives just as our doubts had peaked. Please, by all means, check it out for yourself. To summarize would deprive you of finding the message within the journey meant just for you, but we did figure out our message: pursue that which gives you vitality, and curiosity is the key to finding vitality.

Okay, maybe when you boil it down it sounds too vague, but consider how it extends into every action, every decision we make. When job-hunting, curiosity is what keeps us from becoming depressed when we don't get the job. When moving to a new city, curiosity is what drives us to become engaged with our community and explore its merits. Even moving away from family, curiosity begs us to find a creative way to keep the connection of love alive until we can embrace each other again. But more than anything, curiosity takes the pressure off of the explorer to produce results from the expedition and returns the focus to the journey itself. We don't know what lies ahead of us, nor did we know when we packed up a fifteen-foot Uhaul and trekked across the continental United States, but we did so with an open mind, a willing heart, and a well-prepared set of intentions.

On my last day at work, I said goodbye to many, including some whom I did not realize considered me important. And each one had a similar version of one burning question: Why are you leaving? Here's the story that arose from repeatedly grasping for the truth:

My husband was there for me when I needed him, and now he needs me. He needs me to believe in him in a way he cannot yet believe in himself, and it's a role I'm happy to fill. I can find work anywhere, but he needs to be in a place that has more opportunities. He also likes the cold and he likes being near water, so when he fell in love with Baltimore, I was not surprised. In fact, I was kind of relieved. Maryland is close enough to people I know to have a safety net, which is what I required moving forward, but it is also new enough for us to make it our own. Is it what he wants? Who knows. But it's a good start. And what is a life worth if you can't take calculated risks to make it your own? I'm invested in my husband's happiness, and, in doing so, I'm finding my own path to vitality.

Stay tuned, I've got another blog post to follow which will expand on hints I've received from the Universe about what is on the horizon for 2016!

Cheers,
*~K~*

PART TWO : The Self-Education of a Free-Spirited, Not-Quite-Novice Filmmaker

For those of you whom have already read PART ONE, the introduction may seem repetitive, but it's to keep everyone on the same page moving forward.

As a only child, I've been an observer of human behavior and interaction all my life. Such a self-imposed role has a way of leading one to believe themselves more knowledgeable than those who live through the scenarios being observed. Debatable, sure, but I believe my continued education cannot contain simply absorbed information; I must also digest the concepts and put it back out into the world. Any of my professors would tell you that I was always very engaged in class discussions, with no shortage of opinions and unsolicited advice. With no classroom currently available to me, however, I've decided to record my thoughts in this blog based on certain recommended TED Talks.

An article in the Business Insider claimed these 10 TED Talks are worth more than an MBA. Seeing as I love listening to TED Talks and desperately want to pursue my graduate degree, I figured what do I have to loose? Also, while the content I'm reflecting on is geared towards those seeking a Masters in Business Administration and I am simply a Filmmaker seeking a Masters... of something... eventually... I fully intend to own and run my own studio during my lifetime, so I figure the free online education should supplement my aspirations nicely.

To keep a homework-like structure, I'll respond to each video as I see them. Please assume that I will be writing as if you, the reader, have already watched the video.

Today, we start with...

4) Srikumar Rao: Plug Into Your Hard-Wired Happiness

Photo courtesy of pkmenon.com

 My first thought while watching this video was: I'm sure I've seen this before. Like I said, I love TED Talks, and some of the first ones helped me to recognize how I could make the leap to go back to school. At the time, I had taken a couple of community college courses, both in subject matters I was passionate about - film and psychology. I did remarkably well, which encouraged me to seek my degree in Colorado (which was a huge leap from Northern Virginia). But to my surprise, and the delight of most, it was exactly what I needed. I discovered, or perhaps rediscovered, my vitality by diving into this process, this "journey", as Mr. Sao puts it. And I wished I could say I was so energized by my current "journey". With my medical issues - Borderline Ovarian Cancer has required three surgeries in the past four years and a round of egg extraction for my husband and I to attempt implantation in the near future - and the financial burden that accompanies them, it's been difficult to say, "I'm happy with the process". I'm quite done with this process, thankyouverymuch, and I'd like to switch to a different path now. It is assuredly one of the reasons I assigned myself this reflection blog task; I had to do something to embrace where I am right now, no matter how many other things suck about it. It's a bit like how the coldest part of the day is right before the sun rises - I know change is on the horizon, but as change approaches, I'm only getting colder.

As it applies to what an MBA might teach you, I think it's meant to keep the typical competitive mindset of business people in check, as that "If, then" logic can degrade one's emotional satisfaction. I wonder if that is why the discussion and evolution of "corporate culture" has become the focus of so many burgeoning companies. 

5) David Marquet: How Great Leaders Serve Others

Photo courtesy of Pinterest.com

Oh, man... this is a great story, but I sincerely wonder how it currently influences the hierarchical workflow for the military. Let me explain. I trained in martial arts intensely for about 6 years, starting before high school when I thought I wanted to be a law enforcement officer, stretching beyond high school when I had begun working as a professional theater technician. Understandably, most of the people I trained with were military or police, due to being raised in the D.C. area. Even my Grand Master was/is/will always be a Marine. On several occasions we'd take class time to discuss concepts surrounding the physical discipline, and often it would reflect the mindset imparted by the military. The lesson that stands out to me as I listened to Marquet's talk was one about how "the shit falls down". That is to say, when something goes wrong, everyone from the position that made the decision and below them will be held responsible. This is why a commanding officer will allow his subordinates to make the decision, so if s/he's wrong, then there would still be someone above them, a higher ranking officer, who can solve the problem and clean up the mess. However, Marquet's assertion is even more radical - let your subordinates make the decisions because it innately invites them to step up their game, encouraging critical thinking instead of compliance. This is revolutionary for the traditional military commander.

Interestingly, I've seen it in action in theatre as well. My high school theatre program was extraordinary, due to, in large part, the standards we were held to by our director. She engaged each department by making them do everything themselves. The set, lighting, and costume designs were all done by the students. We made costumes instead of renting or buying them. We built and painted our own sets, including extended stages, sometimes with multiple levels, which means it had to be weight-bearing. We had so many extras that we filled the stage, and students as the choreographers. We even gave the heads of departments the liberty to solicit the classes for extra advice or labor when the art department or costume department needed help, which fostered collaboration - the relinquishing of power to us was then passed on to others outside the theater, which strengthened our performance through collaboration. We were given responsibility and opportunity as if we were already legal adults, and we not only met the challenge, but exceeded it. The last spring musical we did was Oliver!, where we had all three shows sold-out, which is no small feat for a house that seats 1100 people, and the most common question was, "Who did you hire to be your lead actors?" because they couldn't believe they were students. You see, we knew even then that if we all did our parts to make the production the best it could be, it would improve every other aspect as well. And it did.

But all that changed my senior year when a new director took charge. It was night and day. She could not conceive of high school students doing anything we had already demonstrated that we could do, so she started making rules that revolved around the idea that she knew better. Suddenly, following orders was more important than encouraging leadership in each individual. And you know the worst part? We, the seniors, came back three years later to see the students we knew as freshman, now as seniors for the spring musical. It was pitiful - unfinished sets, basic lighting schemes, poor use of stage areas, and, worst of all, the actors seemed dispassionate. When every single person on stage is not engaged in the façade, then no one in the audience can suspend their disbelief long enough to enjoy the show. The results of poor leadership was obvious, and it was heartbreaking to witness how quickly our beloved theater had unraveled.

My experience in business often reflects this time in theater. The best managers I've ever had were more interested in empowering me by using my strengths rather than discipline my weaknesses in order to have me fit every aspect of the job description. When I was in massage school, I worked at Borders Books. After the first three months, it became obvious that my strength was not shelving but establishing an order of my own. So, my supervisor decided I should help the marketing department with displays, sidelines, and its inventory. I went from what appeared to be a problem child to an integral part of the team, whom they relied upon to know my area. I'm not sure I have a desire to receive an MBA, but I am totally on board with this idea. I've seen it in practice time and again, and I can attest to the benefits of empowering employees.


6) Ramsey Musallam: 3 Rules to Spark Learning

Meme courtesy of thewiredhomeschool.com

Yes, yes, and yes. I was raised by an educator. My mother, even before her Masters in Adult Education, was a great educator and orator. And I can tell you, hands down, the best way to engage a hungry mind is to ask questions and invite them to FIGURE IT OUT. That's not to say they can't have help or ask questions of their own. But encouraging the learning process (bouncing off of what Mr. Rao) and not the outcome, can render unexpected results, sometimes to an amazing degree.
During my philosophy class this past summer, it came up several times that to ask questions is far more powerful than to provide answers. This concept also seems to be geared more towards the philosophical mind, and not the aforementioned "fixed mindset" that became commonplace with the industrialization model of education (refer to the first TED Talk with Ms. Dwerk and the previous BLOG Post where I discuss her ideas). Truth be told, I have such a passion for this mentality that I both want to pursue my Doctorate beyond the Masters degree and then teach on the collegiate level. It is very possible that most students need this kind of engagement early on, but I'm not sure I'm the one who can do it. I feel I'm better suited to adults, young and old.

It's very possible, however, that this advice is also geared towards educators for themselves. That is to say that the process of educating, not just learning, is itself not a static process. It must change and adapt to the students, and therefore educators must embrace their own mess, not just the mess their students bring. This all seems to add up to something that I advocate to everyone everywhere just as often as I can - keep your feedback cycle active. That is to say, don't just open yourself up to learn something and then shut down your ability to listen and respond afterwards. You must be able to listen and respond continuously so that what you do and how you educate is appropriate for each situation. This feedback cycle is necessary in any relationship, including manager/employee, intimate relationships, and teacher/student. As for reflection, well that just makes sense. Once you're done with the process, it's nice to have a summary so you can absorb the lesson and move on to the next one. Yep... I'm all sorts of on board for this one.

7) Linda Cliatt-Wayman: How to Fix a Broken School? Lead Fearlessly, Love Hard

Photo courtesy of Pinterest.com

It's the only one so far for which I had to pull out a tissue. But let's skip straight to my reactions and my thoughts before I pull out another hanky.

First - As someone who often assumes a leadership role, I totally identified with the idea that you must be consistent, no matter how people may or may not like you. "If you're gonna lead, lead." Hell yes. Your role in their lives has little to do with whether or not they like you. Hell, when I went to college the first time, I told my roommate that I didn't know how to share a room because I was an only child, but that it was my intention, regardless of whether or not we could become friends, to at least not become another burden on her, and I asked she do the same for me. It became the best foundation for a friendship I've ever had because it was okay if we messed up or pissed each other off as long as we listened and tried to make it better. A relationship based on respect than on misplaced gestures of "niceness". However, at this moment I find myself weakened from life based on how inconsistent my work has been as a filmmaker. Even now, I have a film that I'd like to continue editing, but I can't bring myself to do it. I can't even move on to my next project because I feel like I've lost the confidence of all of those who helped me on previous films. So, how do I earn someone's respect when I've lost respect for myself? In a way, I wish I had a mentor like her. I could really use someone (other than my husband) who says to me, "In case no one has told you they love you today, know that I do. And I always will." Instead, I find myself continuing to fall into the role of caretaker and counselor, just as I was as a Massage Therapist, and not lunging towards the leadership role I desire and thrive upon when making films. If anyone has any advice on how to purge the caretaker role and breakout into a leadership role (or reclaim my leadership role), please share!
Second - I think it makes me teary because this kind of story exemplifies intense involvement on the part of the leader. This kind of involvement ignites my vitality, but I cannot see a way for me to get involved right now. And I hate waiting... in any case, I cry because I am simultaneously inspired, afraid, and inhibited. I want so much to feel strong again, and I don't, both physically and emotionally. Perhaps that's what being a caretaker for too long does to you - it slowly breaks you until you cannot muster the strength to recover from it. But I will recover... I just hate waiting.

As for business administration, I think this is a call to arms for managers and leaders. This talk puts into stark light that you cannot assume a leadership role when you do not believe in what you do or who you do it for. You must believe in it, you must believe in your ability to affect the situation, and you must be willing to fail, so that you may be willing to try. You must be willing to get your hands dirty and be an example to those who might follow you, remembering that every moment is a teachable moment. What she is describing is a role model. I was one once, and I strive to be one again.

Well, this is the end of PART TWO. With 10 TED Talks to watch, I'd like to pace myself, and you, dear readers, with all of this lovely reflection. But let me finish with these questions for you:
1) What was your reaction to these videos?
2) Could you identify with the concepts? Why or why not?
3) How is this relevant to Business Administration or Entrepreneurship?
Leave your comments below! As Liz Gilbert would say, "Let's keep the conversation going!"

Cheers,
*~K~*