Pursuing the Path to Vitality: Fulfilling the Vision of 2015

As you may or may not know, my husband and I have relocated from the Houston, Texas area to Gaithersburg, Maryland, a once small town outside of our nation's capitol, now grown due to its proximity and public transportation accessibility. Little did we know when we dreamt of this move a year ago that we'd be able to fulfill it so clearly. To everyone else, our move may look rash or bold, but it is, in fact, the culmination of our vision for the future with diligence, hard work, and support from our family.

By no one's fault, my husband had determined we could not stay in Texas. He was born and raised there and had had his fill. Even if there was something satisfactory about his work or his home, he had made it clear that he would still be bitter about being "stuck". Of course, we tried. We even took a long weekend to Austin, the one place in all of Texas we could see moving, hoping it would be the compromise we could live with. Alas, as we drove away, my poor husband announced, "Nope. It's still Texas, and I hate Texas."

I'm sure you've asked yourself by this point, But what about where YOU want to live? Truth be told, I didn't have an opinion. Gushing as it may seem, I am perfectly happy to live wherever so long as I get to sleep in the same bed as my husband. Oh, sure, I have opinions, and they were quickly expressed any time a suggestion surfaced that required careful analysis. Australia? Really... have you looked into their immigration policies? Yes, that's right, dear. They don't want us because we want to have kids soon, and if we have a child there, then they'll be forced to either keep us against their will or deport us with a newborn, which no one looks favorably upon. Sound familiar? Yeah... So, we whittled it down to within the continental United States.

But an amazing thing occurred after that. My love had an epiphany. It was more than just "we're not staying here", but it extended into a vision of "we'll be moving before the end of this year". It was a beautiful moment that I cannot fully capture in words, but it ended with a dream we both clung to: we would be in a new place by Thanksgiving, enjoying our annual Lord of the Rings marathon in the comfort of our own home. Truth be told, I don't think we fully believed we could do it, but we had to move forward as if we could. As if there was no turning back.

We worked, and we saved. We researched, and we fantasized. And then we reached a tipping point. I'm sure you've felt it at some point in your life. It's that moment when you are primed and ready to make a major decision, and find yourself more afraid than ever to make it. We found ourselves asking, would it be easier to just find an apartment here? Should we just have children now and move later? Well, it was more my husband. I'm quite accustomed to listening to that quiet voice that beckons for something more. Sure, it would be easier. It would not, however, be what you want. It would be what other people want for you, and they only want it for you because they are afraid for you. And that's no way to live.

Perhaps by happenstance or by fate, we'll never know, I learned about Liz Gilbert's newest book Big Magic, just about the time of this "tipping point". She hosted a short podcast, Magic Lessons, that explored the topics in her book to sometimes hilarious, but always insightful, ends. With our 90-minute daily commute (yes, that's three hours a day stuck in a car; even if it's with the love of your life, it gets old quickly), we started listening to podcasts, and this one crept into our lives just as our doubts had peaked. Please, by all means, check it out for yourself. To summarize would deprive you of finding the message within the journey meant just for you, but we did figure out our message: pursue that which gives you vitality, and curiosity is the key to finding vitality.

Okay, maybe when you boil it down it sounds too vague, but consider how it extends into every action, every decision we make. When job-hunting, curiosity is what keeps us from becoming depressed when we don't get the job. When moving to a new city, curiosity is what drives us to become engaged with our community and explore its merits. Even moving away from family, curiosity begs us to find a creative way to keep the connection of love alive until we can embrace each other again. But more than anything, curiosity takes the pressure off of the explorer to produce results from the expedition and returns the focus to the journey itself. We don't know what lies ahead of us, nor did we know when we packed up a fifteen-foot Uhaul and trekked across the continental United States, but we did so with an open mind, a willing heart, and a well-prepared set of intentions.

On my last day at work, I said goodbye to many, including some whom I did not realize considered me important. And each one had a similar version of one burning question: Why are you leaving? Here's the story that arose from repeatedly grasping for the truth:

My husband was there for me when I needed him, and now he needs me. He needs me to believe in him in a way he cannot yet believe in himself, and it's a role I'm happy to fill. I can find work anywhere, but he needs to be in a place that has more opportunities. He also likes the cold and he likes being near water, so when he fell in love with Baltimore, I was not surprised. In fact, I was kind of relieved. Maryland is close enough to people I know to have a safety net, which is what I required moving forward, but it is also new enough for us to make it our own. Is it what he wants? Who knows. But it's a good start. And what is a life worth if you can't take calculated risks to make it your own? I'm invested in my husband's happiness, and, in doing so, I'm finding my own path to vitality.

Stay tuned, I've got another blog post to follow which will expand on hints I've received from the Universe about what is on the horizon for 2016!

Cheers,
*~K~*

Citizens United Ruling Persists, While the Power of the Individual Diminishes

Today I write to attempt to dissipate my shroud of anguish. I am distraught by our Senate, and truly saddened by its unwillingness to overturn Citizens United. But it's not just the end result that agitates me so. It was denied swiftly, and with little compromise, which is especially disturbing right before a major election. It was denied uniformly by Republicans, which indicates to me that we are no longer communicating on a feedback loop (more information on feedback loops soon), required to continue upward progress. And the saddest of all? The ruling stands on a technicality.

Our government is not listening to its people any more.

If you took a vote nation-wide, and perhaps we should this November, I believe we'd see the majority of individuals do want the ruling of Citizens United overturned (80% consensus, which is huge). But our representatives think they know better. Of course they do, because they aren't listening to the people that voted them into office. If they were, there would be a more efficient system for individuals to convey their opinions other than calling and writing. By the by, if you know of a more efficient system, by all means, leave a link in the comments so we can spread the word. Our government officials are listening to the companies and excessively wealthy individuals that helped pay for their campaigns (which is mostly marketing), who convinced all those voters to sway in their direction. Obviously, in this model, voters no longer matter; only the people who manipulate the voters count.

Voters no longer matter; only the people who manipulate the voters count.

The only thing worse than knowing the government is not willing to regulate campaign funds from corporations is that, in doing so, they are actively abridging our individual "freedom of speech".  You'll note that the first amendment "prohibits the making of any law... abridging the freedom of speech."


abridge (v.) - to reduce or lesson in duration, scope, authority, etc.; diminish, curtail; to deprive, cut off.

Special interest groups, corporations, even non-profits who are willing to funnel money into a campaign are effectively drowning out the authority of individuals' voices. This is the argument we should be making to the Supreme Court - that we must protect the diminished free speech of individuals by nullifying the over-funded agendas of the wealthy.

Ultimately, I believe this all boils down to simple addition. If the first amendment protects what we say, then in the voting process we still operate on the assumption that one person equals one vote. By allowing a corporation, definitively a collection of people, to also have a voice, and one that can out-spend an individual 100 to 1 (or more), then the individuals making up that collection have just extended their voting power. That is to say, unregulated spending in political campaigns effectively buys more votes. It is a bidding war, not a test of moral fortitude. Arguments have been made accusing those who would overturn Citizens United would effectively amend the Bill of Rights, but it simply continues to redefine it to identify how it works in today's system. The Bill of Rights was not written to protect corporations; it was written to protect individuals.

Unregulated spending in political campaigns effectively buys more votes.

The first amendment protects what you can say, not HOW you say it. Cursing at the top of your lungs is still allowed, but if you do it at 2am and wake up your neighbors, there will be grounds for arresting you for disturbing the peace. If you want to make films that directly defame political candidates who oppose your political agenda, be my guest. But be prepared for legal backlash when you take outside money to promote or distribute it (they already got backlash when they tried to distribute the film just before a major political election). Even conservative political commentator George F. Will admitted "the vast majority of contributions and expenditures are made to disseminate speech".

dis sem i nate (v.) - to scatter or spread widely, as though sowing seed; promulgate extensively; broadcast; disperse

By this definition, monetary contributions are not speech directly, but help to amplify speech; it gives what is being said greater power and influence. Thus, overturning Citizens United would limit the power and influence corporations have over the voting public.

Monetary contributions are not speech directly, but help to AMPLIFY SPEECH; it gives WHAT is being said greater POWER and INFLUENCE.

Even reading through wikipedia to gleen more information on the first amendment, "campaign financing" stands out like a sore thumb. But perhaps it is because modern mobsters are alive and kicking within our government. Somewhere in the last few decades, mob bosses, who use money (and thus power over people) to intimidate, bully, and manipulate people into compliance, have found a new home on the other side of the legal system. They aren't hiding from the law any more, they are manipulating the lawmakers, and thus rigging the law, to their advantage. Even Al Franken compared the current ruling of Citizens United with money laundering. What the hell happened to accountability?

This is because we've forgotten what money is. Money is not speech. Speech, non-verbal, verbal, or expressionism, is speech. The old adage "put your money where your mouth is" very casually denotes the difference, in fact. Your mouth does the speaking; your money invests in its completion. This means that putting money anywhere is the next step AFTER speech, not the speech itself. A man walks up to you and says, "I like your hat", and there is no pretense or intention; but a man who walks up to you and says, "I like your hat" with a few bills in his hand now has the power to take it from you. He doesn't even need to offer the money to you, really. Just showing the money suggests the bargaining POWER of money. And that's what it boils down to, ladies and gents. The Supreme Court ruled that it has no authority to regulate POWER over the American public. The political mobster has tucked away his loaded pistol, which years ago would have been not-so-subtly used to get his way, in favor of the understated implication of quid pro quo.

I'm trying not to see this as the beginning of the end, but it's difficult. Oh, corporate America, how do thy own me? I shudder to count the ways.

A Fan's Tribute to Robin Williams: Find Your Light and Share It

I'm writing this evening in loving memory of Robin Williams. Of course, it's not as if I knew him personally. I never shook his hand. He never sat next to me at a diner booth and discussed world politics. No hugs or gestures of appreciation were ever exchanged.

Yet he touched me. His presence in this world has touched me so entirely that I can't stop weeping every time I see another tribute video. His daughter's letter, fellow actors and comedians posting their condolences, even a poignant quote from one of his many inspirational films just brings those big, puffy-eyed tears crashing down.

Well, here's my tribute. You suck, Robin. All your life, you've given to others. Your heart and soul laid bare in your work, your words, and your hidden moments of charitable kindness. But as your twilight years crept up on you, knowing soon it would mean that others would have to give back to you, you wouldn't allow it. Couldn't you give the world a chance to redeem itself? But for all your well-meaning, sir, I understand. I just wish I could have given even an ounce of that back to you.

I understand your dedication for helping others, even if all you can do is cheer them up. I understand your compassion for the underdog, and your passion for wisdom. Ultimately, it's possible I even understand your depression. I think it comes down to a very simple intention: pay it forward.

There are many demons of varying degrees in my family's past. Among them is alcoholism, thyroid disease, bipolar disorder, and depression. Yet, so many who have met a Walker Woman would say she "lights up a room whenever she walks in". This light is beyond enthusiasm or optimism; it's unabashed happiness, and it penetrates all armor. It's an inner glow unlike any other, and I instantly saw it in Mr. Williams. When I first saw him as part of his stand-up routine A Night at the Met, I knew then how he must suffer. We all see how he shines; how can you not? If ever there was an appropriate application of the term "whizz-popper", it would be proudly bestowed upon the crown of the late Robin Williams. But the nature of life is 'balance in all things'. Someone who knows and shares such abundant light must also know equal depths of darkness. Only the closest to him would see his darkness, of course, as the Walker Women know all too well. But we know no other way to suffer. We cannot suffer in silence. We must shine, and the consequence is unthinkable darkness.

Each of us suffers in this life, and Robin sought to ease that suffering in others. In the end, I think he didn't want help because he wanted our efforts to be redirected. Just as he shared his light with the world, so should we. Everyone has that light inside of them, by the way. It's the light that shines when your defenses are down, and you approach the world without fear of judgment or ridicule. You walk through the world with a sincere belief that you can make the world a little brighter; and it's contagious.

So, when you're done mourning, as I'm seven ten tissues on my way to doing, find your light. Breathe in that light, walk boldly up to a gloomy face, and make their day. Talk to a family member just to let them know you miss them. Even if you don't miss them now, you will miss the opportunity to tell them when they are gone. Visit a nursing home just to listen to stories long forgotten. Touch their hands and remember what it's like to risk embarrassment for the sake of someone's delight. Volunteer at a hospital, or, if you're really keen on feeling the love of Robin's legacy, volunteer at a homeless shelter. I'd suggest more drastic measures, but this isn't meant to be a social or political call-to-arms.

Or is it...

Yes, a social call-to-arms. For us to connect with compassion and laughter again. For us to include the aging in our young, turbulent lives. Most importantly, for us to live with integrity and compassion. Don't be afraid of caring too much! Don't be afraid of your light going to dark! Be afraid that your muted glow will never touch another.

And don't be afraid of crying. I'm sure Robin wasn't. I'm quite sure he knew all about crying. It's why he preferred to laugh. After all, doesn't laughter make crying worth it?


As a personal note to the late Mr. Williams - you don't really suck. I'm sorry I said that. And I'm sorry I never got to see What Dreams May Come (though, I laughed so hard in the theater when I saw Death to Smoochy that I swear my mother moved seats so no one would know we were related). I knew I was going to cry like a baby, so I've just been avoiding it for years. I think it's time to see it now.